Cullen's Cash Cab
by teenprodigy
Summary: The Cullens take Bella to New York... will get funnier, start mostly a filler. read and review!
1. Outburst Emmett

**A/N I dunno if you have ever seen the show cash cab on discovery channel but for those of you who haven't it's a game show that takes place in a New York cab. The driver gives questions to the passengers in the car and they try to answer them correctly for money. If you get three wrong answers then you have to get out of the cab with no money. You get two shout outs; one phone shout out and a street shout out. This is what happens when the Cullens go to New York and get in the cash cab.**

**Edward pov**

**"This one??" Complained Emmett.**

**"Nope." Said Alice with a wide smile.**

**"This one??" Emmett said again, bouncing like he had to go to the bathroom really bad.**

**"Nope." Alice just grinned even wider. Alice had just let the fifteenth cab drive away, the driver angry that he had stopped for nothing. We (Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, Emmett, Bella and myself) had been waiting patiently for the right cab for about twenty five minutes. All the Cullens were in desperate need of a vacation and I couldn't leave Bella alone so here we were in New York. Just as we were coming out of Bloomingdale's, Alice and Rose had bought most of their stock, Alice's face went blank. Moments after her vision an evil looking smile spread across he face. I tried to look into her mind to get some clue on what her vision was about, but she was blocking me from finding anything further than **_**Muahhahhahhha! Everyone is gonna love this!**_

**"This one!?!?" Emmett screamed, obviously eager out of his mind.**

**"Yessss!!!!" She screeched, excitement radiating from her. We all just shook our heads and hopped in to the van. Emmett, Bella and I took the back seat; Emmett was sitting right between us, pushing my angel up against the side of the cab. Alice and Rose took the captains seats in the middle and Jasper hopped up front next to the cab driver. "The Waldorf Hotel please." The door to the cab shut loudly, making Bella jump slightly.**

**All of a sudden, the ceiling of the car lit up and a weird noise came from the cab speakers. Emmett clapped his hands together and started bouncing up and down on the seat, making the whole car shake. "Welcome to the Cash Cab!! I am your host Ben Bailey! The Cash Cab is a game show in this very New York cab! I will ask you questions and for every question you get right you will get money! Lets get started!"**

**"Yay!!!" Now Emmett, Bella and Alice were clapping and cheering. Rose looked ticked off and Jasper was leaning away from the cab driver, hissing. Why was he hissing? **_**I hate this show… stupid cab driver… I could just kill him now… Hehehe… it would only be to easy… **_**I shook my head strictly at Jasper, signaling for him to not kill the nice taxi cab driver.**

**"Your first question for 25$! In the Hans Christian Anderson story, what tiny item did the princess feel through the stack of mattresses?" A few seconds after the cab driver asked us the question, I not only heard the answer in his head, but also coming from his ear piece. All of the vampires in the car started giggling quietly. This would be too easy.**

**"A pea!" Emmett yelled excitedly before anyone else could. **

**"Correct!!" The cab driver said animatedly. "Next question! From 1990 until they went to the Euro, the Deutseche mark was the official currency of what country?"**

**We giggled again, Bella getting angry for being left out of the private joke. "Germany! I'm sure of it!" Emmett screeched again.**

**"Correct! Looks like you're the smart one in the car!" We all bust out laughing. That was something that even Bella could laugh at. Emmett just crossed his arms over his overly muscular chest, looking ticked. We came to a sudden stop at a red light. "Uh-Oh! Looks like we are gonna have a red light challenge. Okay, you have thirty seconds to guess all of the multiple answers to the question! Time starts right after I finish the question. Name the four original flavors of Jell-O!"**

**"Strawberry, Raspberry, Lemon and Orange!" That was the third question that Emmett had blurted out, he smiled sheepishly at the four Cullens and Bella glaring angrily at him.**

**"Correct!! The red light challenge question was worth 250$ so that added with your previous correct answers is 300$!!!" Rose snorted. **_**He sounds so excited bout 300$. That seams like 50 cents compared to how much money we have. **_**I decided to check and see how my Bella was doing; She was squished up against the side of the car, looking miserable. She caught my eye and blushed. I tilted my head, telling her to come sit on my lap. She graciously un-buckled her seat belt and clumsily fell over Emmett's legs and fell face first in to my lap. Rose and Alice looked back laughing haughtily at our compromising position. Once the red faced Bella righted herself, we heard a door open then shut quickly.**

**"Oh crap!" said Alice. Jasper had jumped out of the 50 mph moving car, rolling over and over till the friction slowed him to a stop. The driver suddenly stopped the car and with wide eyes said, "Should we call an ambulance?"**

**"No! He's okay, see" I said. The driver looked in his rear view window and saw Jasper hop lightly to his feet and dust off his jeans. He walked slowly back to the car and took his seat.**

**"Sorry. I accidentally un-buckled my seat belt, un-locked the car, opened the door and fell out of the car." The host stared at him in amazement that he had "fell" out of the car and stood without an injury. Jasper just hissed"**

**The host shook his head and continued with the questions. "Now for your first 50$ question! What chairman of Microsoft allegedly receives about 4-million e-mails a day?"**

**"BILL GATES!" Emmett yelled for the last time. Out of no where, Bella pulled a roll of tape and one of Jasper's socks.**

**"Hey! How'd you get that??" Jasper said confused. Bella just continued to stick the sock in Emmett's mouth and duck tape it in. I sniggered. Alice took Emmett and threw him out of the car.**

**The driver looked alarmed and suddenly stopped the taxi. "Should I call an ambulance?"**

**"No! He's okay, see." Alice said pleased. **

**Emmett had just stopped rolling when Rose got out and said "Ill just walk with Em. He wont be too happy that he just got thrown out of his favorite TV show." She lithely slid out the open door, Alice followed. "I will go apologize."**

**Now it was just Jasper, Bella and I, Jazz hopped into Alice's empty seat.**

**A/N- there will most likely be another chapter tomorrow so keep posted!**


	2. Jazz Flashes Back

**A/N- thanks to everyone that reviewed! I wasn't expecting anyone to read it. This chapter might be kind of confusing cuz it is only Jazz, Edward and Bella. For all of those Emmett lovers out there, I am most sure we will see him again… Hehehe. that's never good. Yes I know all of the characters are OOC but its so hard to keep them in character when you are writing something funny. I mostly like teasing Jazz. :D**

**Jasper pov**

**The hosts eye started twitching. **_**I wonder what will happen if I poke him.**_

**-POKE- **

**"Why did you just poke me?" The driver said accusingly.**

**"I didn't poke you." Jasper said innocently. **

**The driver just shook his head, put on a fake smile and said, "On with the show! Now you kids might have a hard time with this part, because you seem young," -Bella giggles- "But time for the history round!" A/N-(I know that in cash cab there isn't any history round but this was just a random Idea that I thought would be funny.)**

**Edward's head perked up from the heated make out scene with Bella when he heard the word history. He climbed up to the seat that Rose was sitting in and readied himself for the questions. "Why did the American colonists dump the tea in the harbor resulting in what was called the Boston tea party?"**

**"Oh god!" I heard Edward whisper.**

**I distinctly remember the day that dreadful event had happened. It was just a few days after Alice had found me. The rest of the Cullens were out hunting so they left me with Emmett, Bad Idea! I just got off my "Human diet" and Emmett was bored. Very bored. He took me into the woods to find something to do when we heard men yelling. Emmett got a grin on his face that I later found out meant his diabolical mind was working its magic. He dragged me over to the voices; We found what looked like about a hundred and fifty men. They were ranting on and on about the British, and they sounded enraged. One of the leaders it looked like, stood up on a wooden platform and said, "What are we going to do about the taxes?! We need a plan! After this outrageous tea act, we shall all be poor!" **

**That's when Emmett yelled out, "Lets dump all of their disgusting tea in the harbor!!" I looked at him in amazement. All of the men looked back at Emmett and I, wondering who had just spoken out. Emmett lifted my arm in the air. How could he do this to me?! The men stared at me. **

**"What if they notice us?" The leader said back.**

**"Uhm…" I was at a loss for words. "How about we dress up as Indians?" It came out as more of a question than an answer.**

**"Perfect!" Some of the men shouted. "Lets go!!" I couldn't believe that Emmett had dragged us in to this! We followed the long line of men to the harbor, three English ships were floating by the dock. All of the men including Emmett and I climbed on to the ships and started creating havoc. Emmett was having too much fun with this.**

**"You have five seconds to answer the question. Five- four- three-"**

**I cut him off before he could count down the last two seconds. "Emmett made me do it!! It wasn't my fault!"**

**"Ooh… sorry. That's incorrect! You have two more strikes till you have to get out of the car! Next question! What was the cause of the Great Depression in 1932?"**

**"Oh god!" I heard Edward cry a little louder than last time.**

**Yet another Emmett epidemic! He was messing around with the best computer there was almost 75 years ago when he called my name. I came in hesitantly looking around for Rose. She was no where to be seen; that's when I knew Emmett was up to something. "Look at this, Jazzy!" He was grinning again, it was very scary. **

**I took a long look at the computer screen when I realized what was on it. "Oh my god Emmett! How did you get on there?" The screen was full of statistics and stock market charts. He just grinned wickedly. He put his index finger over the enter button on the key board. "Don't do it Em!" He started lowering his finger slower than a humans pace. I grabbed his hand and tried to stop him from doing what he intended. We wrestled around his large room, occasionally punching each other. Emmett grabbed me and threw me across the room, he advanced up on me and took my head and slammed it into the key board.**

**-DING-**

**"Oh crap!" When Emmett slammed my head down on the key board I accidentally pushed the enter button.**

**"EMMETT! JASPER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU JUST DID!?!" We froze in our places as Alice yelled at us.**

**"Five seconds! Five-Four-" The taxi driver pressed.**

**"Emmett made me! He slammed my head down on the key board!!" I screamed, pulling my hair.**

**"Ooops, wrong answer again! One last strike and your walking!" The host said.**

**Edward punched my shoulder and said, "Why don't you let me answer from now on?" I nodded and shuddered, the memories scaring me.**

**A/N- I dunno if this chapter is good or not. Give some criticism and ideas. Thankss. **


	3. Toothbrush?

**A/N- I absolutely love you guys that reviewed so much that I will put in as many chapters as I can today. Tell m if you think I should just stop the story after they get done on the cash cab or if I should do the rest of their time in New York. This chapter is a little dirty, but only if you have a dirty mind. Special thanks to A big confusion for your idea! I might use it for the next chapter.**

**Bella pov**

**I was very mad that Edward had broken up our very boundary breaking make out session to go answer trivia questions. The cab driver was asking us questions about history. Every time he asked them, all Edward would say was "Oh crap!" and Jasper would just babble on about how Emmett made him do stuff such as the Boston Tea Party and the Great Depression. **

**"Ooops, wrong answer again! One last strike and your walking!" The host said. I frowned at Jasper and Edward, weren't they supposed to be super smart vampires and plus, they were even alive to witness it.**

**Edward punched Jasper's shoulder and said, "Why don't you let me answer from now on?" He just nodded with a squeamish look on his face. **

**"Okay, seeing as you didn't answer any of the history questions, it's time for the brain teaser round!!" The host announced smugly. "This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 8 inches long. The functioning of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes. Is usually found hung, dangling loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things at one end and small hole at the other. In use, it is inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by squirming bodily movements. Anyone found listening in will most surely recognize the rhythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements. When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the opening and some of from its long glistening shaft. After everything is done and the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to its freely hanging state of rest, ready for yet another bit of action, hopefully reaching its bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less. What did I just describe??" The taxi cab driver looked pleased with himself for hopefully stumping us again. I felt a bright red blush creep up on my face, cringing from what I though he had just explained.**

**"Uhm…. I errrr… Edward… you can… uh… take this one…" I struggled to choke the words out of my mouth.**

**Edward stared at me with wide, frightful eyes. "I would like to use the mobile shout out?" Edward stuttered. The cab driver handed him a silver phone. Edward flipped it open and quickly dialed a number. It rung a few times before someone answered. "Hello… Its Edward. Edward Cullen" Pause for speaker on the other line. "No we did not break… I am on a game show. I need to ask you a question and can you try and tell me the answer." He paused again and repeated the question to the speaker on the other line. I'm sure if he could blush he would be as bright red as I am. "Okay… are you sure?" I heard someone mumble a short answer back to Edward. He coughed loudly and said, "Uhm… a toothbrush?" **

**Jasper looked at Edward like he was insane. "A TOOTHBRUSH?! IT SOUNDED MORE LIKE A-"**

**Jasper got cut short by the taxi cab driver "CORRECT!!" Jasper's mouth dropped open, along with mine. **

**"Are you serious?! Edward, who did you call?" I ogled at him, wondering in amazement at what person could ever think of that.**

**"I-uh… I called Mike Newton." I crossed my arms around my chest, waiting for more of an explanation. "Well, I was going to call Emmett but I didn't want him to know that we were still on this stupid game show! Those are the only two people that I know that have that sick of a mind to actually understand the question!" Edward whined. **

**"Well that was weird." I said still baffled.**

**"Yeah." Edward agreed. We both looked at Jasper, waiting for him to say something, but his face was still stuck in the same expression that it was in when he found out that Edward had gotten the correct answer.**

**"That adds another 150$ to your winnings! So far you have earned 450$! Good job!" The cab driver was just starting to annoy me. No wonder Jasper didn't like this show, the host was just too happy. **

**I just realized that the car had stopped in front of our hotel when the host said, "We are at you destination! You can ether take your 450$ and leave, or you can go for the double or nothing round!!!" **

**I contemplated this with Edward for a few moments before I said in a terrifying tone. "WE ACCEPT YOUR DOUBLE OR NOTHING CHALLENGE! BRING IT ON!"**

**A/N- I need reviews!!!! Please do it for all the sparkly men in the world:D**


	4. Berries and Cream

**A/N- Just a warning! Jasper is very ooc in this story but I love him all the same. Checkerball is it okay if I mail your sparkly men to you in a box? They are a little too big for an envelope. :D**

**Jasper pov**

**"WE ACCEPT YOUR DOUBLE OR NOTHING CHALLENGE! BRING IT ON!" I heard Bella yell in a frightening tone. It snapped me out of my toothbrush reverie. I shook my head and rubbed my cheeks because they were all tense from staying in the same expression for so long.**

**"What did we accept?" I asked rotating the kinks out of my jaw.**

**"Oh nothing. Just the double or nothing challenge." Bella smiled at me.**

**Oh god! No she didn't! I cant believe she did that! "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I got up, ran out of the car taking the car door with me. Oops! Didn't mean to do that! I took the door back to the car and set it in its original place. "Hehehe. I can pay for that." I took out my wallet and threw twenty hundreds, three fifties, six tens and five ones at the driver. I flew through the rotating door to the Waldorf. Hold on a tick! I went around and around in the rotating door, squealing "Weeeeee!" like a little child on their first pony ride. I stopped, realizing that Bella, Edward and the host were watching me with amusement.**

**Edward pov **

_**Hold on a tick! Since when were there sliding doors here? Weeeeeeeeeeeeee! **_**I heard Jaspers thoughts and thought them wildly amusing. He looked unaffected from what happened a few moments ago with him pulling a van door off its hinges. He looked at us and suddenly stopped. Stalking away slowly. **

**"Okay… On with the DOUBLE OR NOTHING CHALLENGE!" Somewhere in the distance I heard a high pitch girly scream; it was most likely Jasper. "Just look at the screen, watch the video and when the clip is done… answer the DOUBLE OR NOTHING CHALLENGE!" Another scream from Jasper.**

**The video started out with many pictures of bloody corpses. Then a voice came and started saying "Vampires are mythological beings that survive on human life-force. In most cases, they are reanimated corpses who feed by draining and consuming the blood of living beings. In folklore, the term usually refers to the undead blood-drinking humans of European legends, but it is often applied to similar legendary creatures from other regions and cultures. The characteristics of vampires vary widely among these different traditions. In most of the legends, there is one way to kill a vampire. What is it? " **

**Bella let out a beautiful laugh and I snorted a little. If only the taxi driver knew that the legends were true, except for the part about the weakness to sunlight and a few other things. **

**"A stake through the heart?" My Bella said innocently, trying to keep a smile off her lips.**

**"CORRECT!!!!!!" The taxi driver yelled and handed Bella 900$ and gave her a wide smile. "Congratulations! You have survived the cash cab!" **

**Bella and I were getting out of the taxi when Emmett came running up to us. "Did you take the DOUBLE OR NOTHING CHALLENGE?!" He waited with wide eyes for Bella's answer.**

**"Uhm… yeahh…" Bella said unsurely.**

**"Did you WIN???!" Emmett repeated, his eyes getting wider.**

**"Yes…" Bella mumbled.**

**"WHOO-HOO!! Berries and cream! Berries and cream! I'm a little lad who loves berries and cream! Berries and cream! Berries and cream! I'm a little lad who loves berries and cream!" Emmett was dancing around on the side walk like the guy from the starburst berries and cream commercial. There just happened to be a upside down hat next to where he was dancing, so the people who walked by him threw their spare change into the hat. He grinned sheepishly at me and said, "Edward, dance with me!" Emmett to my wrists in his hands and made me sway around stupidly in the middle of the sidewalk.**

**I looked to Bella fro some help, but she was just laughing her ass off. Her face was turning bright red from lack of oxygen. I tore my hands from Emmett's and took Bella through the rotating door to the lobby of the hotel. Emmett came running in after us yelling, "I made three dollars and sixty cents!" **

**I dragged Bella and the happy Emmett over to the elevators, the doors swiftly shut behind us. I didn't even realize Emmett whisper something to Bella.**

**A/N- thanks to all the reviewers! I want more! I feed off of the reviews! Any one who reviews gets a sparkly man hunk!!!! **


	5. Elevator Epidemic

**A/N- a few people think that I shouldn't continue this story but more think that I should just go with the flow. After this chapter tell me if you think I should continue or not! I present to you… Edwards living hell!!!!**

**Emmett pov**

**When I saw that Edward was still preoccupied with getting over the embarrassing dance he just had to do with me out on the street I decided that I was bored. Somewhere in those few seconds I made up a plan. I quietly whispered to Bella, "What floor are we on again?"**

**She looked at me confusedly but answered anyway. "The twenty third I think. Why?"**

**"Well I have a plan to make Edward mad!" I tried to sound excited as I could without alerting Edward.**

**"What are you two whispering about?" Edward said, eyeing us suspiciously.**

**I pretended to look taken aback. "I cant have a innocent conversation with my soon to be little sister?" I grabbed Bella by the shoulders and enveloped her in a great hug.**

**"Emmett… cant… breathe!" Bella struggled against my tight hug. I quickly let her go and Edward took her into a hug of his own, tilting her chin up towards his face. This was just too much for Bella, she lunged at him, wanting to connect her lips with his own.**

**Perfect time to put my plan into action. I quickly pressed all of the floor buttons in the elevator grinning like a child. They hadn't noticed what I had done so I decided to make my actions recognized. "Ooh! Pretty! It looks like a Christmas tree!" I screeched. We were only on the second floor, so that meant we had twenty one more to go. Edward glared daggers at me but Bella laughed, realizing my intentions. **

**"Come on Bella! Jump with me!" I laughed. -A/N(I dunno if you have tried this or not but it is so much fun to jump in the elevator when it is moving. Try it.) Every time we jumped, the whole elevator shook. Edward just leaned in the corner like the prick he was, unable to have any fun, what so ever. **

**"I am not a prick!" Edward shouted, the sound reverberated in the small space. I just jumped harder and harder. Suddenly, when we were right in the middle of floor 14 and 15, the elevator came to a stop.**

**My smile faded as I tried to press the 23 button, nothing happened. I tried again with no avail. Just then, Bella started to giggle uncontrollably. I was wondering what was so funny about being stuck in a elevator, when I saw Edwards face. That started a whole new giggle fit on my part as well as Bella's. Ten minutes had gone by and we were still laughing, but it was becoming less funny by the second. "Okay Emmett. I think that Edward has had enough teasing today, you can restart the elevator." Bella said, wiping the tears from her eyes. **

**"Heh… Yeah about. I didn't stop the elevator on purpose. Its really stuck." I mumbled back, afraid that Edward was going to blow his top at any moment. By the look on his face, he was a lit cannon. **

**"Are you meaning to tell me that the elevator really has been stuck for the past ten minutes and you let me keep on laughing? I have needed a human moment since we got out of that stupid cash cab!!" Bella was bouncing around, banging on the walls.**

**"Bella dear, I don't think that banging on the wall is going to do anything." Edward said, gripping the bridge of his nose with his fingers. He tensed every time Bella hit the wall. I tried to keep a smile down when she decided it would be more effective to kick the wall than hit it. Almost right after she kicked the elevator, she was rolling on the floor in agony, gripping at her toe. I saw the corners of Edward's mouth turn up slightly. "See, now all you have is most likely a broken toe, and we are still going no where."**

**"Bella, if you wanted to kick the wall, you should have done it like this." I started to pull my foot back when Edward retorted.**

**"Emmett, you kicking the wall isn't going to do anything except make a huge gash in the wall." I raised my eyebrows at Edward.**

**"Oh yeah, Eddie. Watch this." I raised my foot once more and launched it hard at the wall. It went through, but when I tried to pull it back out I couldn't. "My foot is stuck! I cant get it out of the wall!" I tried once more but it was lodged in there hard.**

**"Yeah whatever Emmett." Edward said crossly, partly from being in an enclosed place, but mostly from me calling him Eddie.**

**"No really Edward! Come here and try to get it out!" He looked up when he heard the seriousness in my voice.**

**He got up and came over to where my foot was in the wall. He tugged on it lightly at first, then tugged harder when he noticed I was right. "Okay. Emmett just grab on to the opposite wall and pull your self out, with the wall you will have more leverage." Bella stopped nursing her to try and help me out. **

**I reached over to the parallel wall, but realized there was nothing to grab on to. I took a deep breath then punched my hands through the wall. I used my arms to pull my body, but my foot wasn't coming out. I sighed then tried to pull my hands out of the wall, but those were stuck too! "My hands are stuck now too!" I boomed, I was totally trapped now with the exception of one foot.**

**Then the elevator started to move again.**

**"Hey guys, I found out what was wrong with the elevator. When Emmett and I were jumping around, I fell and I accidentally pushed the emergency stop button!" Both Edward and I glared at Bella when she made that discovery. She just shrugged her shoulders, "Sorry."**

**The elevator door opened to our floor, Bella and Edward stepped over me and out of the elevator. "Wait! Where are you going?!" I asked franticly.**

**"Bella really needs a human moment. I'm sure you will get out sometime." Edward patted my head and let the doors slide shut behind him. **_**I will get you back, Edward! You don't have to worry about that!**_** was the last thing I thought before a group of odd smelling grandmas stepped into the small space. I got to see pictures of every single cat that the ladies have ever owned before I couldn't stand it anymore. I mustered all my strength and pulled my hands and foot out of the wall. Pieces of the wall were wrapped like oversized bracelets around the limbs that were stuck in the wall. I ran all the way down the hall to the room that rose and I shared.**

**A/N- this was the longest one so far. Review puhlease!!! Sparkly men to all those who do!!!**


	6. Revenge

**A/N-I got tons of reviews! Thankss! To all of you who did review you will receive your sparkly men by fed-ex in about 50 to 70 business days. Lol. Give some ideas and I could put them as a chapter!**

**Rosalie pov**

**BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM! The faint noise was getting louder and louder, disturbing me and my private time. One can only take Emmett for so long, and I'm his wife. He has been gone for about thirty minutes, just about time to start worrying and checking to see that the stock markets are the same. BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM! The odd noise sounded like it was in the outside hall now.**

**CRASH!! Emmett came and tore through the wall, leaving an Emmett sized hole in the wall. I sighed and said lazily, "You could have just used the door you know." Emmett went back out of the hole and came back in the door, he had the look on his face that said I-just-got-scarred-for-life-by-a-bunch-of-kitten-loving-grandmas-and-now-I-want-revenge!**

**He took a deep breath and said, "I just got scarred for life by a bunch of kitten loving grandmas and now I want revenge!" Emmett just stared at me with wide eyes.**

**I decided to humor him. "What happened Emmy?"**

**He was to scarred for life that he didn't even realize that I had had called him Emmy. "I was in the elevator with Edward and Bella when I pushed all the buttons and then Bella and I started jumping then the elevator stopped and we laughed, except Edward, he's a prick. Then Bella started freaking out and kicking walls, then I kicked a wall and my foot got stuck so I punched my hands through the other wall and those got stuck too. Bella found out that the emergency stop button was pushed so when we got to the floor I was still stuck so they left without me and got replaced by a bunch of grandmas that had billions of kittens but they were all dead so they only showed me pictures!!" By the end of the story, Emmett was in the fetal position, sucking his thumb on the floor.**

**"And now you want revenge on Edward for leaving you there?" I yawned, already bored. **

**"YESS! But I want to get the grandmas first! Looking at all of those pictures made me want to pull my hair out, so I just slammed my head into the wall in the hall." He said with an exasperated tone. I got up off the bed and looked through the Emmett hole in the wall, sure enough, there were several holes in the walls, big as Emmett's head. **

**"Okay, well, do you have anything in mind?" I said, still studying the large holes splattering the walls.**

**"Well I was thinking about tracking them down where ever they are, and jumping out at them from like a clothes rack or something. I just want revenge, not three grandmas having heart attacks." On the words jumping out, he sprang into the air, landing back on his feet with a loud THUD!**

**"I think the sight of you will scare them more than you jumping out at them." I said giggling. Emmett is the only one on the face of the earth that has ever, I repeat ever, seen me giggle. I watched his happy expression fade, replaced with sadness when I verbally demolished with my words. "Just go do whatever you want Emmy. Its your revenge."**

**His face brightened back up and said, "Yeah! I think I'll do that!" **

**So excited, in great haste, Emmett ran through the wall on the other side of the door, making a similar hole in the wall as when he answered. "Emmett! You could have just used the door!" He quickly came back in through the newest edition to the hole gallery and out through the door. I just rolled my eyes and went back to me time.**

**A/N- sorry this chapter is so short! i had a soccer game yesterday and i didnt have time to post anything! the next chapter will be longer and i need to know how many people have see a show called ninja warrior. thanks bunches!**


	7. Ninja Warrior

**A/N-Okay! Here is a longer chappy! Be happy! This one is especially funny! Tee-hee**

**Emmett's pov**

**I love revenge pranks. They are even better than normal pranks. Its so much more fun when you get someone back that did something thing to you in the first place. I had been following the little grandmothers for a while, they went to the usual grandmotherly stores. Quilt stores, antique stores, candle shop and so on and so forth, when they walked in to a department store. "Perfect! Muahahahaha!" I tapped my finger tips together evilly. A few of the people on the side walk looked at me and quickly went to the other side of the street. Maybe it was because of my super cool ninja spy outfit; Or maybe my maniacal laugh intimidated them. Scaring humans is so much fun. **

**I snuck my way into the department store when I realized that I had lost the grandmas when I was wasting time in my evil laugh. "Darn it!" I punched a mannequin that was on my right side, its arm flew off as I did. I shiftily looked around, hoping no one saw what I just did. I quickly picked up the arm and tried stuffing it back in place, no beans. I tried jamming it back in one last time, using a lot of my strength. It stuck, but at a weird angle. I tried to right the shape of it when the other arm fell off. I could feel a little growl rising in my chest. I grabbed the other arm and swung it like a base ball bat at the mannequins head. It flew off and hit an innocent by-standard in the back, knocking them fore ward onto a big rack of clothes. **

** Me hitting the head off of the mannequin started a chain reaction; racks of clothes tumbled on to shoppers who tumbled onto more shocked shoppers which ran into more racks of clothes. It would have been funny if I didn't have revenge on the mind. I gave the mannequin leg to one of the shoppers who weren't affected by the disaster and ran off through the rest of the store. Scanning the room from behind a stroller, I spotted the grandmotherly women going on the escalator. I fast walked, sprinting for a human, and scaled the escalator after them. When I got to the top I noticed that they were no where to be seen.**

**I suddenly felt my feet being kicked out from under me. From the position I was laying on from my back, I could see the three grandmas hovering over me. **

**"You looking to see some more pictures of kittens, or are you stalking us?" one of the three grandmothers asked. **

**"Uhm… kittens?" I said unsure.**

**"Wrong answer!" Suddenly the three ripped off their knitted ponchos and threw down their old lady hand bags to reveal black ninja outfits exactly like mine. They started to do random ninja moves in the air and flips off the clothes racks. I stared at them in amazement, clearly baffled by their superior moves.**

**"Teach me your ways masters! You are truly superior to my moves!" I got to my knees and begged at their feet. "I need revenge on someone!"**

**"The same someone who left you in the elevator?" Spoke one of the karate masters.**

**It was as if they could read my mind. "Yes! How did you know?"**

**"We sensed your talent young one. We shall teach you, with one exception." said another one.**

**"Yes! Whatever you want oh mighty ones!" I said exasperated.**

**"You have to complete NINJA WARRIOR!" They cackled their evil grandmother laughs.**

**"No! not NINJA WARRIOR!" How could they do this to me? Was I not good enough for their teaching?**

**"You have to prove yourself first young grasshopper. When you complete ninja warrior, you are worthy of our teaching."**

**I nodded my head gravely. "I shall complete it masters, if it's the last thing I do."**

**000000000000000000000000000000000ninjawarriortime0000000000000000000000000000000000000**

**"Your first task is to get across the bridge without falling off." all three of the ninja masters pointed simultaneously at the rope bridge hanging over a pool of muddy water.**

**Cracking my neck, I looked across the bridge. "That shouldn't be too hard, its just a bridge after all."**

**"Don't be so sure." I raised my eyebrows at their remark. I looked back at the bridge to see knives sticking out from every angle, sharks in the water below and missing boards leaving giant gaps in the bridge.**

**I smiled, none of these things would hurt me. "No problem." **

**I walked across the bridge casually, knives bending every time they came in contact with my skin. I lightly hopped over the gaps and waved at the sharks below. **

**When I got to the other side, I turned to my masters. They stared back at me with baffled expressions. "Did I pass?" I scratched my head innocently.**

**The master in the middle was the first one out of the surprised stupor. "Clearly you are stealthy, but how strong are you?" this made me grin.**

**"What are you smirking about grasshopper. Are you challenging me?" said a master.**

**"No master, never." I said quickly. Too quickly.**

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**"Six thousand four hundred and twenty seven, six thousand four hundred and twenty eight, six thousand four hundred- zzzzzzzzzzzzz." I stopped doing chin ups to see that all three of the masters had fallen asleep. The past two and a half hours had been spent by them wanting too see how many chin ups I could do. Little did they know I could go the whole week without stopping but my intention span was way to short for that. **

**"Uhm masters… UHM MASTERS!" I shouted. **

**They woke up in an instant. "Okay. You have proved your strength. But how would you do in real combat?"  
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**"You shall fight our very first student. She is now a professional assassin. ALEXA!" a small girl stepped out in to the fighting arena. She looked about 14 and was probably lighter than Alice.**

**"You want me to fight that little thing?!" That set her off. She attacked me with the force of a pick up truck, slamming her foot into my chest. But that didn't even move me an inch. Then, getting even angrier, she latched on to my neck with her tiny hands attempting to choke me, but I didn't have to breathe. I picked her off of me with my thumb and index finger and held her at my face, her feet hanging three feet off the ground. "Do you want to keep uselessly fighting or will you just give up already? I don't have all day you know." I sighed.**

**She stared at me, her right eye twitching. Her face scrunched up and she crossed her arms in defeat. "Fine."**

**I lightly put her down and patted her little head. "Good choice. Do I pass now?" I turned to the masters.**

**"Yes, you do." they looked disappointed.**

**"Yay! I passed ninja warrior, I passed ninja warrior!" I did a little happy dance but suddenly stopped when I realized the four other ninja masters had disappeared.**

**A/N- to continue or not to continue, that is the question…. Please review! Muscular sparkly men with their very own action phrases who do! **


	8. Vase

**A/N- Dear lord! I am deathly sorry to all of my readers. You will never guess what happened! I got taken hostage by a bunch of crazed rugby players while the robbed a 7-11. I know, it was terrifying. sorry I haven't updated in a few years, I have been really busy with soccer. Well enough about me! On with the chapter!**

**Edward pov**

**I haven't seen Emmett in a while, god knows what he is doing. Most likely thinking of some childish plan to get back at my angel and I for leaving him in the elevator with a bunch of kitten loving grandmothers. I have to be on the lookout for anything emmettish, any of his futile gags I mean. He should know by now that I always get back at him right after and then Esme or Carlisle usually stop us after that. **

**"Edward. Did you hear what I said?" My train of thought was broken by a beautiful voice.**

**"No my love, could you repeat it please?" A flash of anger came to her eyes when I told her that I had been too wrapped up in my own thoughts to listen to what she was saying.**

**"Well, as I was saying, I'm worried." She looked up at me from the position laying on our bed. **

**Worried! She should never be worried! "What is it Bella?!" I said franticly sitting up.**

**"Its just that Emmett isn't one to leave a perfectly good chance for a prank open, shouldn't he have gotten us back by now? I mean if it taking him this long to get the prank ready… who knows what he could be doing!" Bella blurted out quickly.**

**"Actually love, he has probably forgotten about it already. You know Emmett, he most likely got distracted by a butterfly or got dragged in to another makeover by Alice. **

**Suddenly the door flew open. "Did someone say makeover!" screamed Alice. She grabbed Bella's hand and they disappeared in a matter of seconds.**

**"Bella!!!!!" I shiftily looked around the room. Alice was going to die for that later, but now my problems consisted on finding out what Emmett was up to.**

**I raced outside into the hall. I quickly scanned the scene noticing the huge Emmett sized holes surrounding the door to his and Rosalie's room. **_**He has been here already, much closer than I thought he would get…**_

**I knocked on the door to the room when I heard an annoyed voice reply. "Come in." I tried the door handle but the door stayed shut.**

"**Rose the doors locked!"**

"**Edward there are gigantic holes in the walls! Just go through one of those!" She yelled icily back at me.**

**Before entering the room I grabbed a vase full of fake plants from a table outside in the hall. Holding it like an axe I gracefully jumped through the hole on the left. I saw a slight movement from my side view. I chucked the vase at the movement, and dove over to the form. I triumphantly threw my arms in the air when I thought that I had tackled Emmett. **_**This person is too small to be Emmett… **_

**"edwad… why you… throw vase… at me?" The body struggled to get the words out.**

**I spun the figure around to see his face. "Jasper! What are you doing in here?" I let go of him and stood up.**

**"I was trying to find my wife. Is there some law that you are allowed to throw a vase at me if I look for Alice?" Jasper stared at me wide eyed.**

**"No, I just thought you were Emmett for a second. He will be trying to get revenge on Bella and I for leaving him stuck in an elevator. I have to be on my toes if I want to survive." I stated quickly, checking the window, the hall, the closet, the bathroom, and under the beds for Emmett.**

**"Okaaay… Uhm well good luck with that." Jasper quickly rushed to the door, un locked it and ran out.**

**A/N- sorry this was so short. I promise all the sparkly men in the world that the next will be longer. :D it will be Edward trying to find Emmett and when he does the have a fight! Very funny.**


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